[Dr. Zafar Ahmed, D.Sc., zai-alpha@hotmail.com , 26-Sept-2023]

Reading time: 10 mins

My wife has an OCD for cleanliness, methods and discipline. She can even pick up a quarrel any time, with anyone. But for this, she could have been more popular and acceptable. Surprisingly, she has been managing to get and train maids for our house every time. In our new house, she again got a very good and efficient house help.

A few months back, Doctors and Physios advised her against standing and working due to her back pain. So now her search for a  cook started off. It was becoming difficult. But she  managed to find one who came from far off and was working in two houses here. After much training, she too became fit for us but she was hasty. Anyway, after a few months, she had to leave because her other two jobs were over.

For my wife, the process of engaging another cook started but all in vain. About one month passed.

On my floor, there are four flats, in the opposite one, there lived some 6 persons. One elderly couple, one young working couple and  a boy and a girl. Our pet cats, TuTu and Minty always wanted to enter this house but somehow, only some of them would come out to pamper them at the door itself. They kept two pets: Two rabbits and one turtle and our cats always got their smell and wanted to go closer to them. To us, it seemed that the elderly woman hated cats and felt over-protective about her pets.

We often heard disturbing noises from this house as though they were arguing and fighting, we also thought that the elderly woman was perhaps mentally unstable! This impression was also given to us by our maid. I had plans to speak to the elderly man but he was non- interactive. Younger persons did talk to us well but rarely and shortly.

One afternoon, there was a knock at my door and it is mostly me who attends the visitors. There was woman who looked firm and confident asked me the phone numbers of nearby police station! In surprise, I asked “what happened and where she came from?” pointing at that house only, she said “ I work like mad whole day, they don’t acknowledge my services, they  mistreat me and hold me responsible for everything that goes wrong. My husband and my sons don’t give me any money. My elder son’s wife is a working one who doesn’t help in house chores too. My sons mistreat and also beat my daughter. I don’t want to live with them. I want to go away, work and earn my livelihood.”

Shocked and surprised, I then called my wife, we sat in the hall, conversed and contacted police. The police took down some details and promised to come in a while. Then my wife took her to the bed room to talk to her further.

That day, we had an appointment otherwise we could have taken her to the nearest police station ourselves. However, before stepping out, we could see one police man at their door, who entered for some time before leaving peacefully.

Next day, she came again.  She is 45 years, let us call her M.  M informed my wife that the police man had given her family members  a strict warning only and threatened them with dire consequences later on, if needed in future. M shocked us by revealing that her husband who worked as a driver had stolen a bag of rupees several lacs of his master! The money was recovered and he came back home from jail recently only! Now he is working as a watchman in one of the buildings in our campus!!

Our builder is also an MLA who has tactfully kept the rentals quite cheap to attract tenants and to claim a large population of residents by opening self-controlled lease offices here. This is how even the lesser ones can afford to live in a premium flat here.

M told us that as she wanted to go out and work, so once she took the offer to serve and nurse an old patient in a nearby building but the next day she was not allowed to go there by her family. Once she ran away leaving her disturbed home to a friend’s family who were into catering, she learnt some good cooking and some other nitty-gritty of the trade.  While chatting with my wife, M expressed her desire to start such a business herself! To start with she would first do cooking work in or around the building. Hearing about my wife’s back pain she offered to cook for us!!  We were pleasantly surprised, however we were wary of her offer because of her family but she was sure and confident.

She started off from 1^st July – my b’day. We were very observant lest there be any unrest in her house. We treated her with respect, called her M-ji and paid her well. Her training in our house is over, she likes our kitchen a lot. Earlier she came twice a day now she comes thrice.  The only problem is that she is slow and slightly forgetful.

Some language problems do arise, once when alone, I asked her to make sukhi sabzi of potato and soya saag (sepu). But she made something else with gravy! Later it turned out that she didn’t know sepu/soya. Next time, when I showed it physically, she called it “xyz…” and made a very tasty dry dish.

She didn’t want to be paid monthly she wanted us to bank her amount so that on special occasions she can get it from us.  But we wanted her to utilize the money instead of saving it. She also feared that her family will require a good cut, so she reported them only half of the salary. We are worried if her family has a grudge against us that we are exploiting her by paying her less!

Our cats used to run away quickly from strangers and hide somewhere but they don’t mind M’s presence around. More importantly M’s fear of cats has been vanishing away day by day. We guess and pray that M will also help us when we go out of station leaving our pets at home. Cats do not like change of place, they become suspicious and very uncomfortable elsewhere.  

M’s graduate daughter who is in the middle of her 5-yr Diploma in classical dance often comes to visit us to see our kitchen, to spend time with cats or just to chat with Aunty. All is well.

M values food and other things very well, she keeps checking if we are going to discard something.

One day, M told us that her family was pestering her to go away to be with her expecting daughter-in-law who was at her mother’s home! M refused it.  Later, around the time of delivery, her elder son took her there by air (first time), the new arrival was a healthy baby boy. The duo came back after a week, we got a good cake to eat.

All was going well but one day she was sobbing and complaining that the elder son abused her badly over a small issue!

However, we are thankful that out of three flats on the floor she chose ours to interact with. There is nothing like your cook on the floor itself!

Thanks for your read.

(Dr. Zafar Ahmed, D.Sc., zai-alpha@hotmail.com, 14-04-2023)

(All names changed, Reading Time: 15 mins)

In the third week of Feb-2023, Mrs. Hema the widow of a 1982 batch officer named Mr. Hemant Rao got a phone call that her husband was not responding to notices and emails and an income tax (of/on) Rs. 30 lacs was due on him! Shocked and terrified, she could only say “He is no more.” Then she was asked to meet them at BKC office of ITD, with his death certificate and other papers relating to FY 18-19. Two of us her ex-neighbors of the old colony and one Shyam were the only ones for her to look up to. I was very sure that the call was a prank or a mistake as we cannot be involved in such a huge income tax. I also suspected Shyam could be behind this call! When we contacted him, he soon replied that we would hire a CA to sort it out. In any case, we promised Hema ji that we would stand by her and do the needful.

Mrs. Hema came from an army background, she has three sisters, two of their husbands have retired from army and the other one is a doctor.   They would visit and call Hema ji often. Mr. Rao’s mother, brother and sister lived in Mumbai but they hardly interacted with his family. Curiously, Mr. Rao had nominated his mother in his salary cum savings account. After him, it took good efforts and cooperation of the mother-in-law to nominate Mrs. Hema as the surviving account holder.

Rao’s had adopted a daughter named Harita rather late in their life.  These three have not been a very happy family. The three would often fight and we had to manage them at times. Mr. Hemant was tall and well built but he had multiple medical problems who often got fits.  He liked watching Hindi films/songs on the large TV in his hall. When peaceful, they would go to expensive restaurants or buy electronic gadgets, dresses and jewellry.  We were always invited, I used to be busy but my wife accompanied them sometimes. At least half a dozen shopowners in the upmarket knew this family very well and welcomed them very warmly.

Shyam is an assistant in our organization who in his spare time finds needy people and does their miscellaneous jobs for a good fee or  favour. He helped this family in buying and selling a car. He got them an easy home loan of Rs. 40 lacs. He helped them in buying a good big house in Navi Mumbai. After, Mr. Rao retired in Jan-2020, Shyam arranged their shifting.  Hemant and Harita never liked Shyam but the fact is they couldn’t have done without him. In July-2020, Mr. Rao (RIP) died due to Covid. Shyam was the only acquaintant of the deceased in the crematorium. In fact, Shyam possesses Mr. Rao’s Aadhar and Pan cards even now.  Curiously, Shyam expects some “inheritance” in late Mr. Hemant Rao’s property as he performed his last rites like a son would do.

While retiring Mr.  Rao came home clean without bringing papers/ books/ files/Cds /pendrive etc. After his death Mrs. Hema chanced to visit his office for the pension work. She too didn’t check out for his belongings in his office.

We visited ITD at BKC and met two officers, they took a good note of the death of Mr. Rao and suggested us to hire a CA who would communicate to them more effectively and make Hema ji a legal heir of Mr. Rao. They underlined the fact that the income data of Mr. Rao for FY 18-19 was required. Interestingly, the IT page of Mr. Rao could not be accessed as Hema ji didn’t know the password and the registered mobile was not traceable.

We came out from ITD and went to a restaurant there in BKC complex. Hema ji felt relaxed and enjoyed various items leisurely. She expressed her desire to visit the restaurant again sometime. While coming back in a cab, I overheard her whispering to my wife “Let him (me) go and we would go elsewhere to have fun.” But my wife didn’t support her.

I was tensed and also wary of contacting even friends to discuss this strange issue! But then I talked to one Friend, Philosopher and Guide (FPG) who is a great listener and responder too. We hired Ms. Samta a CA in Hema ji’s society, she agreed to do the required job for Rs. 4000/- in about 2 weeks. Her first attempt failed but second time she managed to make Hema ji the legal heir of Mr. Rao, his user id in e-filling was deactivated and all records/ data/ notices were transferred to Hema ji’s newly created IT web page.

CA Samta was baffled seeing legal notices and income tax dues in Mrs. Hema Rao’s IT page. She called us up to charge at least Rs. 50 thousand and solve the case partly under the table! in ITD. In response, I shouted that our income tax dues or whatever cannot be so huge as to do some illegal deals like that. But she went on calling Hema ji 2/3 times. Next, the case was transferred to Panvel office from BKC.

Hema ji approached Panvel office where one Officer named Mr. Sukesh advised her to arrange the income/bank documents of the FY 18-19 by 24^th March. He also offered to suggest a CA! if required. Mr. Sukesh didn’t mind telling, the same thing to even me through her mobile phone, as I was resting at home recovering from my leg pain.

As the wife of my FPG still works in our department, we requested her to get Form 16 of Mr. Rao for FY 18-19 and 19-20 (in case the need arises). Hema ji forgot which bank they took home loan from, but Shyam told us the bank and the branch. Next, my wife and Hema ji went around to manage the bank interest certificates of FY 18-19.

I contacted my regular IT consultant Ms. Sarla and emailed all documents to her. Sarla was flabbergasted and confessed not to have seen such huge figures earlier. She declined to do anything in this case and suggested me to contact some very experienced CA!

According to Sarla, Mr. Rao never filed ITR! But next day I coaxed Ms. Sarla to prepare a rough ITR for FY 18-19 as per her knowledge, understanding and experience for my consumption. Further, she also agreed to make it for two more years. She did not expect any money for it yet I sent her Rs. 3000/- which she acknowledged well. Sarla also told me that in the colony, the families of junior officers whose children studied with Hema ji’s daughter Harita used to look at Hema ji as a formidable lady.

Enigmatically, on one hand two IT officers were talking about FY 18-19 and suggesting us to engage a CA! and on the other a CA and a consultant were seeing baffling figures and notices in her e-filling web page. 

Hema ji could recall that Mr. Rao often bothered about something like ITR and used to go to bank.   We asked their man Friday Shyam if Mr. Rao used to file ITR, otherwise how come he got them an easy home loan of Rs. 40 lakhs in 2017.  Shyam promised to contact some likely people who could have been hired by Mr. Rao to file ITR. But there were none and it seems that the home loan was too easy to get! Thankfully, Mr. Rao paid it off just after retiring. Amusingly, one relative of Hema ji had some inkling that Mr. Rao was not filing ITRs.

After learning all this, I asked my wife if Hema ji could have so much of money/jewelry to pay it off in case it has to be! Hearing her easy and quick affirmation, I was greatly relieved. As I myself could not have moved out, we invited her on Sunday 19^th March to discuss about the whole thing peacefully, warmly and sympathetically so as to prepare her to face the probable challenges ahead.

We empathized and said “God forbid, if you have to pay then think that it was due and to be paid to the govt. We all have been doing our bit every year.” We underlined that she has a big good house, monthly pension and getting expensive medical treatments in the empaneled hospitals. We also philosophized that money gets us all good things but after a limit it is just a number or just pieces of paper. We reiterated yet again that she should be generous and kind to fellow human beings specially while paying their dues. Enlisting their good wishes and support, she can lead a better life. Looking pathetic, she was praying and we too prayed for her.

When a lion comes what would you do? Answer: Pray, wait and watch.

Next day on 20^th March, my wife and Hema ji started off to go to meet the officer Mr. Sukesh in Panvel ITD with the required documents both in soft and hard. Mr. Sukesh was nice, cordial and he even enquired about me! He took all papers filed them well and looked up into his computer for some time. Mrs. Hema was nervous, speechless and grief personified whereas my wife was making short mercy appeals referring to her medical conditions and the daughter who is in the first year of B.E.

Mr. Sukesh broke his silence by saying “Don’t worry, I will close it at my end, if not then you will have to file an ITR. However, I have to go up to report it to my senior now. Please, do wait here and take coffee with me before leaving!”

Mr. Sukesh came back, the three of them chatted over coffee.  Hema ji thanked Mr. Sukesh profoundly. My wife remarked “You have acted only like a good doctor for Hema ji.”  He soon replied “Yeah, both of us are MBBS, she has been practicing and I…..” My wife soon filled the dots by adding “And you are helping people out here.”  In excitement and affirmation, he said “Yes!” rather pridefully. May the tribe of angels like Sukesh increase in our country. He said that in a week or two, a Letter and an email will be issued to Hema ji.

On 29^th March, he called up to say that the issue was addressed and resolved!  Hema ji started celebrating life in her typical ways. Hema ji thanked us from the bottom of her heart, returned me Rs. 3000/- which I paid to the consultant Ms. Sarla.  She sent us a very exclusive gift:  a dining set.  Hema ji is now gearing up to give us (so far the third) treat in the Hotel Taj (Shamiana), we only like the ambience and the cutlery of that place!

On 13th April, Hema ji received the wonderful Letter.  Her prayers have been heard the best. I am left amazed! All is well that ends well. We may go elsewhere to dine this time.

Thanks for your read

Friends, miracles do happen, my passing out at various stages and becoming a scientist are two examples. Frankly speaking, I was only emotional about becoming one. I had hardly done experiments and I don’t remember to have fixed even an electric fuse anytime anywhere. I have been only bookish.

After Training School (TS), I could see a tough time ahead when my boss who was a visionary in physics group exhorted “I will not allow you to sit in a corner and fill sheets after sheets. You would rather be an Accelerator Physicist (AP).” He added “We know what good you are.” I thought that the big man could have seen some spark in me! I surrendered and shelved my plan of becoming a Mathematical Physicist (MP).

 I was sent to Calcutta to meet a hardworking and experienced AP who was working in a project and heading it. When I found certain things being done empirically I happened to replace the most crucial one by a beautiful formula.  We came back to Bombay, we published it in the  Intl. Conf. of Japan in 1986.  Because of this very formula there was a lot of progress. But I was most afraid that I might have oversimplified physics and whether it would really work eventually! I desperately wanted a small prototype magnet to be made to test my formula but it was denied at various stages in various ways. I spent some four years in that project to realize that we were actually playing Science-Science like children play “Doctor-Doctor” or ”Teacher-Teacher”.

I left the project and after six months or so it also got scrapped. I started working in M. Phy. independently. Next, a Theoretical Physicist (TP) invited me to work with him. After a year or so I realized again that it was only I who knew what good I was. You may think that you are pear, others find you to be an apple but you may actually be a mango, or the reverse.

I again became independent and tried to publish alone, my first paper appeared in 1991  [Phys. Lett. A 151, 1(1991)]. I have been indigenous, if went abroad it was only to deliver invited talks during 2004-2006 and in 2008. In 2007, I submitted my published papers to Mumbai University to obtain the degree of doctor of science (D. Sc.), which was awarded to me in 2009.

In the year 2009, I  also had the pride of taking team-India to the 50th Int. Math. Olympiad (IMO) in Germany, our all six students bagged:  3 silver, 2 bronze medals and one got honorable mention and the country was ranked 28.  Over the years, at IMO our rank has   been fluctuating   from  7 to 52 among  about 120 countries each year, so far. Math Olympiad comes under National Board of Higher Mathematics (NBHM) of DAE and it is hosted by HBCSE.

In 2001, I happened to state and prove that when a medium is absorptive/ emissive and spatially asymmetric the reflection from left and right would be unequal. It was a non-intuitive and strange result, which became crucial in starting the theory and experiments on coherent scattering from PT-symmetric, non-Hermitian mediums after 2007-2008 . This is the best thing I could ever say/do [Phys. Rev. A 64, 042716 (2001)].

In 2002, I succeeded in proposing and publishing my first problem in American Mathematical Monthly (AMM) after solving a good number of their problems. It was an integral which became very popular. I remember that I put it on the notice board of our Division, after two days,  the then HOD (TP) got it removed from there as if it was blasphemous!

But, one peer took it most seriously, he came to me very specially to ask/gauge its importance and the prospective impact of it. I could only say that people would find it interesting. Friends, I was informed only in 2014 that it had been called “Ahmed’s Integral” (“AI”) and it was well discussed in the literature since its very inception. By the way, this peer heads our Centre now.

Once, I was going to Andheri to deliver a lecture. In the first class of a local train, three management students entered and sat in front of me they were Googling in their mobile phone, suddenly they hit up on “AI”, it was fun to silently watch them quipping and also mocking at “AI”.

In 2013, out of a class room discussion, I happened to publish a paper with a trainee officer, it opened up a new opportunity for me as a good number of trainees, interns and young researchers started coming to me and they made me work and publish towards the end of my career. These young ones worked out things which I could not do for some reason or the other. My last accepted paper is also with a trainee:  Koushik, who would ask me questions that I love to answer.

I have been inspired by M. A. Prasad from 1^st batch of TS. Prasad Sir, the octogenarian is my Guruji and a friend who is the strongest Mathematician that BARC has ever had. He is still going strong in problem solving.  Dr R. Subramanain, Dr K. V. Bhagwat and Sunil Dutta have been other inspriring  members of a math club in BARC.

I have also been inspired by the crusade of Dr Abhas Mitra (23^rd batch) against Black Holes, his book “Black Hole Paradigm” is selling well in Amazon. I have a special admiration for a dedicated and hardworking nuclear theorist, Dr A. B. Santra from 22^th batch my roommate for a long time in Nuclear Physics Division (NPD).

Friends, in mathematics, I try to catch and highlight surprising avenues but my collaborator  A. N. Joseph is one step ahead: He can do hair-splitting of mathematical concepts and proofs, he can see problems where there is none usually! He has the distinction of contributing to both Math and Physics Olympiads at various levels.

Since school days my idea of a scientist was a man sitting in a small room with with many chemicals, who mixes  “this and that“ to create something new. But I was very week in chemistry I somehow passed it in 12^th .  I dropped it in B.Sc. for statistics to settle even in a rank 2  college of Kanpur. But when I look back, I think I did nothing but the chemistry of various potentials in QM using mathematics and computer.

[Phys. Lett. A, 287, 243 (2001)] is my most (367) cited paper and [Ahmed, Bender and Berry, J. Phys. A: Math. Gen. , 29, L 627 (2005)] is the most cherished collaboration.

Friends, we are in a difficult business, howsoever much we do is less. What is important is that we keep doing it. Much less than 1% of research actually enhances science and the rest creates only a warehouse of information. We shouldn’t be adamant and aggressive, instead, we may wish and pray that one thing or a half we did, enters the 1% slab, if not, it is understandable. 

I thank my Centre the magnanimous BARC for harbouring me unconditionally.  I regret that I could have done more here, so I may keep working: A Mathematical Physicist can work from anywhere. Some people know how to win an argument and some know how to avoid one. A mathematical physicist can tell a physicist that he does math and to a mathematician he does physics.

If I may suggest something to my Centre, here are two things. 1- If a youngster asks for a change, he/she should be allowed. 2- A youngster (non-PhD/non-M.Tech) should not be put in risky/ fancy projects, only seniors may try them out: This is how, we may even get the elusive Nobel prize or something like that.

In late 80s after getting our official accommodation, when we were leaving Vashi (New Bombay) after some four years, I was surprised to know that a good number of people knew my name around the building and in office buses. It was because my friend Dr G. Ravi Kumar would call out my name from left/right, front/back, high/low mostly in happiness and rarely in anger. Next, he did the same for “AI” and named me well in several committees / meetings in the Centre. Ravi has been a great support all through.

Bhupesh K. Gangrade,  Dr.  T. V. Chandrasekhar. Rao, A. N. Joseph and Sachin Kumar have played the role of my friend, philosopher and guide. Aruna Nijsure, Dr. Mythili Subramanian, Dr. Paramita Deb, Dr. Dipak Biswas and Dr. P. V. Varde have been great votaries for me.

I feel belonging to my Alma matter: BHU and 27^th batch of training school. I have also had short stays at AMU and IIT-Delhi in 1982-83.

I have had the great opportunity of interacting with very bright young minds, the enthusiasts of math of our huge BARC colony which houses 6 schools (upto 10th Std.) and two junior colleges!

On the personal front: My father (RIP) passed away in 2000, I am blessed by the presence of my mother in the buzzing house hold of my brothers and sister in the hometown. My only child (Dr Zoya Ahmed, PharmD) is a Pharmacy and Health Economics professional working in Amsterdam. We like whatever she likes. My wife Shabana Ahmed after being a very fine primary teacher is now becoming a singer at Star-Maker.  I carry the best wishes of my relatives from Unnao, Kanpur, Allahabad, Mussoorie and Puna.

We would like to continue in our Karma-Bhoomi (Mumbai), we plan to move to: A/1904 Riverscape, Casario, PALAVA, in Dec 2021 from 14 A Malayagiri Anushaktinagar.

Now, after my retirement, I guess that I will be teaching mostly the pre-degree mathematics. Writing a book is both a professional responsibility and an academic consistency. I will try to write 3 books titled : “Issues in pre-degree mathematics”, “Issues in quantum mechanics in one dimension” and my short true stories with a soft impact: “Memories tapping my back”. Because  The one who no one listens to, writes stories.

For time being you may visit:

Google Scholar: Zafar Ahmed      and BTS of BARC.

Research Gate: Zafar Ahmed

Math Stack Exchange: Zafar Ahmed

True Short Stories: Zafar Ahmed

zahmed@barc.gov.in,  zai-alpha@hotmail.com, dr.ahmedz.dsc@gmail.com,  9869226248(M),  9869406208(M).

Bye and thank you very much friends

Zafar Ahmed

[Dr Zafar Ahmed, zai-alpha@hotmail.com, 10-06-2021]

Reading Time: 20 min

W from a previous batch was a hardworking and an independent theoretical physicist. For us he was also an expert in computer software, in those days. We often met in computer rooms on weekends/holidays or after office hours, in the Centre. W never entered my room, he always barged in with a bang/noise. He used to pose as though he wanted to ask me something, but he always left, only after teaching me what he did around the time! On one such occasion, he told me why a square root by long division was done so. Over the years I found it to be unknown/ unwritten. Almost every time, he suggested that my kind of worker should submit his published work for a D.Sc. to a University. By the way, our Centre does not like people who do theory. Several years before his retirement, W converted himself to an experimentalist who invested/wasted his time in buying a big/expensive machine, it came but barely two years before he retired. His lab was locked and his younger colleague was moved to some other project!

The die-hard spirit of W was up and he planned to join or motivate some Govt./Pvt. Institutes to collaborate with the Centre to utilize the same machine. Fun loving , enthusiastic but scattered, Dr W appeared to be almost successful at it but this technology transfer even in the same city was ruthlessly cut-off even though the machine was locked.and gathering dust. We lack the broader perspective of nationalism instead we divide ourselves into small shells to play petty politics and to become even counter/un-productive. Further damage to his plans has been done by COVID-19.

From a latter batch than mine there was a girl who was academically inclined and a hardworking theoretical physicist. She was interactive and highly competitive. We often met on the roads, Lib and canteens, discussed and chatted, in the Centre. X would often go and fire whosoever linked her with a boy or if someone criticised her guide. She was ‘talk-at-your-own-risk type.’

One day, when I was in a queue of a canteen to collect my lunch, she came to ask me to join her on the lunch table. I was really worried as she looked a little worked up and hasty. But I was sure that there must be some misunderstanding! or something. A little unsure, I sat around her table orthogonally. Thankfully, she blurted out her question soon at me (like Arnab Goswami of Republic TV) “Z, tell me why is it that people mostly ask you only, as to what is new and what you are doing, then you start speaking and a lively discussion opens up on a tea/ lunch table itself.”

First, I thanked God that she asked me an easy question. I said “That is because I do simple things and if one has read some 40/50 pages of a book on Quantum Mechanics (QM), he or she is entitled to ask and speak up. Others may have read QM but I calculate and compute to find something new, very often, that even referees get surprised, but I do publish.” I further added “On the other hand, you are guided by an expert and a colleague on some very special and higher topic which is discussed only in Journals, Seminars and Conferences. Eventually, you will get a PhD and post doc(s) to become an expert yourself. These things may or may not happen to me!” We finished our lunch and while parting she made her usual bidding: “Catch you later.” After this very session of mine with her, I went on feeling a lot of professional strength in me, especially when I did not believe in delivering formal talks.

In 2018, Dr X and I chanced to sit next to each other as experts in a presentation of a project-leader form one of the new IITs. Hearing me ask many question, her competitiveness came up, she whispered “How do you know all this!”, I replied “I have come well prepared.”

There was yet another theorist (Y) from a later batch. He was very impressive, we became friends, discussed a lot but collaborated much less. He got PhD, two awards and then went abroad for his post-docs. I was sure that he would not come back but to my surprise he returned every time. His HOD guide was going to retire and other seniors disliked him. Our Centre had its own rigid rules for success, but Y wanted to succeed in his own way. I encouraged him to leave and join a university but it didn’t work out. He used to collaborate easily at both national and international levels.

On my suggestion, he interacted with a septuagenarian scientist called RR, these two published one paper or two. RR was most impressed by him and he even arranged a position for him in one institute but Y declined it. He went on losing ground and even started biting into my modest achievements. However, presently he is at peace with the system as he has promised to make a machine that has not been made anywhere in the world so far! However, I will be curious to see if after his retirement Dr Y will get a fellowship called RRF named after (Late) RR: A poetic justice or not.

M. A. Prasad a health physicist from the first batch (I am from 27th) has been a source of inspiration for me. This modest and unassuming man has been the strongest Mathematician, our Centre had ever seen. Prasad Sir, the octogenarian has helped innumerable enthusiasts of math and thankfully he is still growing even stronger at problem solving. His solutions to various problems can be seen in ‘American Mathematical Monthly’ even currently.

I have admired my long time room partner Dr A. B. Santra – a dedicated and hardworking nuclear theorist from 22nd batch.

Dr Abhas Mitra, from 23rd batch, an independent and gutsy theoretical Astro-physicist who crusaded against the existence of Black Holes has been another source of inspiration for me. His recent book: ‘Black Hole Paradigm’ is presently selling very well among the astrophysics books in Amazon.

Our Centre doesn’t like theorists, it can at most tolerate them, worse I was a Mathematical Physicist (MP). Yours truly, Z has been an independent and indigenous one. Thankfully, in the end of 1999, a new (PT-symmetric) QM was proposed by Carl Bender this gave me a big opportunity to say new things with my old experience. I started receiving invitations from abroad to deliver invited talks during 2004-2006. Coming back from there I used to sense to having done the needful to submit my papers for a D.Sc., but the hesitation was always there despite even co-authoring a paper with two pioneers: Carl M. Bender and Michael V. Berry [J. Phys. A: Math. Gen. 38, L627 (2005)]. One evening, W barged into my room to show me his newly acquired handle to find out citations of published papers, he surprised me by showing my citations vis-a-vis other theorists’ of the Centre. It was then I picked up some more confidence.

It was now 2007, just to set the tempo, first I wrote the preface of the thesis in most simple words and gave it to Y to check and correct. He was well read and had a good command over writing. In fact, Y could have become a good editor of a physics magazine, but he was never given even this chance. He didn’t respond for quite some time, then one day he came and he was looking very serious, he quipped “Your preface sounds as though a big scientist is writing it and you shouldn’t do that !” I was surprised and said “Oh! is it so”. I further said “In any case, I want you to correct only the language part of it.”. Later, I made the preface public to receive appreciation.

Dr Y was too ambitious to have a friend, I decided to cut-off from him. I didn’t allow my silly self to hamper his progress in any which way.

Top to bottom, officials in registrar’s office of Mumbai University (MU) didn’t know anything about D.Sc. I used to have interesting time there. They were suspiciously respectful to me when I explained to them the rules. Once I had to threaten them that I was going to book a room in a hotel opposite the University to live and to visit them till they cleared my way for submitting my work for a D.Sc. It really worked well and eventually a young clerk was asked to prepare the required Letter.

She was not doing it and she was most afraid as if I was forcing her to do a crime. She pleaded “Sir, all these people will retire, then only I will be left to be caught if something goes wrong, what is a D.Sc, actually?” I had never met a junior most worker who was so faithful and responsible! I explained to her “Suppose you happen to make a new dish or explore new technique for doing something in your kitchen/ home, what will you do?” She said “I will tell my friends.” I then said “If the things are even more interesting, catchy and fulsome, you will try to publish them and finally you may even write a book.” Excited, she said ”yes !” I further added “If you have passed 10 years after graduation or 5 years after post-graduation or 2 years after PhD, you may submit your book/thesis for the consideration of D.Litt. / D.Sc., irrespective of your job and profession.” Then, with peace and happiness she prepared the Letter, handing it over to me she even bowed down.

Next, I was supposed to get my published papers bound in the shape of a black hard bound book/thesis. Getting, 23 copies of the thesis is a memorable experience for me and for my wife. I had informed my HOD in writing. One day, I hired a taxi loaded 20 copies of my thesis along with five copies of synopsis and reached the Fort office of MU. While doing the weightlifting of those copies to 1st /2nd floor to submit them in Thesis Cell (TC), two unknown students helped me. I also paid a fee of Rs. 16 thousand on the cash counter.After a month or so I called up TC, they informed me that 2 copies had been sent to two experts who agreed to review the thesis and the third expert did not respond till then. Fifteen copies had been sent to various avenues like Parliament, Assemblies, Archives, Libraries, Universities, Surveys and Bureaus of standards for their no objection!

Other time when I called up TC, I was informed that the two referees/ experts had already passed my thesis very well in just two months, I felt most thankful. But it seems several experts were contacted to play the role of third Referee. It appeared to be a story of laziness or jealousy or insensitivity even in expressing their consent for doing it or not.

After about one and a half year, I sent a general email to some 10 possible experts. Some said that they had not been contacted for that. One of them asked me my phone no of residence. In the evening, I received a call and it was a pleasure to speak to this classically lazy but a well-known theorist. He was pleading that the registrar MU did send him the synopsis but he could not respond because the name of the registrar was not written! and it was such a confidential matter. But he promised to act up then. After about a month, I called up TC they told me that the third referee had agreed to review the thesis and it was sent to him. The third referee called me again to tell me that by mistake TC had sent him a thesis of political science titled “Political Regime of Indira Gandhi!” Some more time was wasted.

Lastly, the third referee called me up to congratulate me for the number of the citation of one of my papers and the great man also confessed that the citations of all of his papers put together did not count up so much. He found this as a strong signature to pass my thesis very well he also revealed the names and remarks of the other two referees, I had never felt so blessed and pleased ever. A small provisional certificate came home by post from MU and as per another remark by the third referee my “adult education” was complete!

I gave lunch party to my batch mates, physicists and some more in our Mod lab canteen. My wife and daughter could also get entry to the Centre. On behalf of the batch Dr R. Vijayalakshmi gifted us the recipe books of the master chef Sanjeev Kapoor. Next, three of us were given a treat in the office of my HOD.

The convocation-2009 of MU was delayed to get into the next year. During even the convocation, Workers’ Union of MU were protesting for the failure in printing degrees! Eventually, I had my moment of limelight when in a minute infinitely many photons were flashed/shot at me in the convocation hall in the Fort campus of MU. I was awarded and handed the degree of Doctor of Science while others were given only medals without degrees. But overlooking this, the next day my favourite newspaper created sensation saying “In the history of MU, it is the first time that the students were given medals instead of degrees and no degree was awarded!” Maybe, their reporter could not understand as the whole convocation was conducted in Marathi.
Later, I gave a written request to News-Letter Committee of the Centre to put the news up in that. They went on sitting over it for over six months, I was told that a big man was also awarded a D.Sc. later and the Committee were hesitating and were also in a fix! Let me acknowledge that the big man was the only one in the higher ups who applauded my work and encouraged me. However, I had to insist and fight for the publication of the news, ultimately both the news were published in the same issue together!!

Much afterwards, I happened to arrange a Colloquium of a renowned physicist in our grand auditorium. The big man came to attend it but he chose to dis-acknowledge me!!! Though he was curious to know more about the topic and the speaker, he was asking others!

“I leave no trace of wings in the air, but I am glad I have had my flight” –Tagore

Thanks for your read.

[Dr. Zafar Ahmed, zai-alpha@hotmail.com, 09-05-2021]

Reading Time: 20 min

Our huge and sprawling Centre of science has got a fleet of buses to ferry us to the city/sub-burbs and back. It seems these are deliberately kept under a critical number, not to attract the Bus company law and norms.  We, the Trainee Scientific Officers (TSO), used to be taken by 2-3 buses from hostel to our training school inside. I recall funny trifles in this regard: late risers used to run and catch the bus with friends helping from inside to stop the bus. One late riser would often quickly go to the mess to collect some sandwiches or something and rush to the bus. She used to then munch them while even standing in the bus. There used to be a security check on the gate to check our I-cards and bags. We used to hold the card or clip it on the pocket of the shirt. One of us was growing beard who often clipped the I-card on his beard! Personnel’s were amused or irritated as per their temperament on this non-offensive act of the TSO.

Our Transport staff: drivers, pass checkers and others normally didn’t behave very well. The shuttle buses always plied from the gate to deep inside of the Centre and back. One of my seniors, an officer activist used to come to office by motorcycle. There came a day when personal two-wheelers and cars were debarred from entering the Centre due the arrest of a suspected youth for International Terror Link from a nearby area in the late 90s. Though, the suspect was later acquitted of the charges, he even got married to a lady doctor and settled down. But the ban on the private vehicles was never lifted in our Centre: we are told that the security is above all, beauty may be skin deep but the security is not etc.  Some took to walking and cycling. The officer activist pledged not to board the bus, he would instead walk all the way inside.

One tall, hefty and bossy fellow called Mehmood in the Transport  Cell  (TC) was perhaps a traffic controller in the Centre. Sometimes, he assumed an additional charge of parading/herding employees in the bus queues here and there to get/put them in the “right” shuttle bus. Once, I was the first in a queue and any bus could have taken me to my stop, when a bus came I entered the bus. Mehmood was offended, he came running and commanded me to get down, otherwise the bus would not move. I was sure that in a while the bus would be full and moving and it happened. “Mehmood ki sultanat (Kingdom) main ye ek badi baghawat (rebellion) thi” but he couldn’t do a damn to me.

Employees were supposed to buy bus passes to utilize the bus service form home and back. Every year, in August, a good number of passed out TSOs would be new passengers, however it took them one /two months  to get the pass. Since, Navi Mumbai was nearby, we often got our shelters on rent in Vashi, Nerul, Konan Bhavan (KB) ….. In mid 80s there used to be at least 6 busses from Vashi and 3 each from Nerul and KB.

Every year in Aug/Sept, the pass checkers used to be most active. In mid 80s, we heard that one pass-checker in KB was so nasty that he would stop the bus in some inconvenient place and check the bus passes of the employee-passengers. Those not having it on the day had to get down and were left to the mercy of the conductors of the public busses as the stops were not there around. Very rarely there could be a culprit (a just passed out TSO) among them.

One day during such a surprise and inconvenient check of bus passes, some smart ones inside the office bus came forward to question the credentials of the checker, he showed them his I-card wherein he was a low grade employee. But they insisted the checker to show the authority letter/ card that he was authorized to check bus passes! He apologised for not carrying it on the day! It was enough, all of them forced the checker out and down! The bus started and it was stopped next, to hail back those who were searching for the nearby public-bus-stop after being chucked out by that checker !!

Hearing that wonderful news, I was really moved and motivated to do some such thing in Vashi, one day. It used to be quite a scene in Vashi near the Fire Station where we boarded the office bus. This scene was even more enhanced when the checkers checked the passes and removed a good number of employee-passengers from the queues for not having their bus pass on the day. One such day, I was in the queue and just missed a bus but I was the first for the next. The bus came and I shot myself inside to sit on the nearest seat without bothering about the checker though he was shouting.  I then from the window said to him “I did not bring the pass today, instead you may check my I-card and cross check in TC that I have been issued a bus-pass, if not I would be penalized”. Checker was stunned and offended it was all unprecedented for him and for all our law-abiding folks. Infuriated, he shouted that the bus would not move until I got down. There was a panic in the que for some 4/5 minutes, with everyone requesting me to get down, I didn’t budge at all. As guessed by me, soon the checker with his wounded ego started taking the passengers in. The bus started as usual and brought us inside our Centre. Only two from the bus patted me on my back others did not know what to say/do! They looked on like the surprised common man! of R K Laxman.

Friends, those who act like a Satan assume that others are saints and this is how Satan(s) keep thriving on the decency of others,

Later, I went to the TC to get a bus pass. The next time, I was again in the  queue with incidentally the same checker! I showed him the pass he coolly said “Dekha, Pass  Naya Hai, Na !” I said “Yes!” and sat inside. Next, he too came and sat with me. I said to him “Sir, while washing my pant, my old bus pass was washed out inside the pocket and it got mutilated. So I could not carry it on the fateful Friday and this one is a duplicate issued from TC”. I could also show him even two small pieces of the old one, other pieces were surrendered to the TC. I then suggested him that he could take down the computer number from the I-card of the passengers if one failed to show the bus pass “Report to TC for the law to take over. Why do you punish instantly and also wrongly”. He quipped “Han, par ye Sab Kaun Karega?!”

Friends, the police too, can find out the truth by interrogating the culprit intelligently and patiently, but they are mostly impatient/brutal like the bus-pass-checker.

It is said that if you desire something very much the universe may conspire to get you that. It happened to me at least once, I was doing a crucial calculation and I got stuck, it was night, I decided to go to TIFR-Lib in the morning for a confirmation and for a further progress, through a literature survey.  It rained the whole night, the news was bad, the city came to a halt, it was 8th of Aug. one of the worst days in the monsoon of that year.

I lived in the colony, I was very disappointed and walking to my Centre to attend the office. On the gate, miraculously, to my surprise I spotted the 11 AM bus bound for South (TIFR). I scribbled about myself on a piece of paper and handed it over to the conductor to sit inside the bus. Soon the conductor came to me to see the formal temporary bus pass which was supposed to be issued from the office for one visit, in normal days. I told him it was urgent for me to visit TIFR, and I showed him my I-card. He didn’t even look at it and asked me to get down, I refused to get down, as usual he said that the bus would not move. One senior officer of my Division (call him Dr. X) who was inside the bus intervened by making a formal pass for me signing himself as he was authorised. The bus started moving. That day even an outsider could have been given lift in any bus.

Subsequently, people were getting down on the intermediate stops, then came the OYC stop (our Head office), the remaining ones got down there except me. Drivers/conductors liked to stop there to have lunch and fun with their peers. TIFR was the next stop but the conductor along with the driver suggested (threatened) me to get down there itself as they would go to TIFR late.  I refused and asked them to take the bus to TIFR, he and the driver did it though, reluctantly.

I thought of complaining about the conductor and driver but then I forgot about it. After about a month, I got a call from my powerful HOD. He was a highly suspicious man, he asked me how my work was going on. Then he asked me if went to TIFR often, I said “Yes”. He quickly came to the point and revealed “According to a written complaint, it seems you went to TIFR on 11th of Aug without a formal temporary bus pass, argued with the conductor and also abused him”. I replied “On 11th Aug. I was whole day in the Centre, attended one talk before 12 noon and visited one senior scientist between 2 to 3 PM”. I further added with emphasis that I had never abused anyone, anywhere. The HOD was most surprised and asked me If I was surely right and that he would investigate seriously, I said “OK”.

Friends, I was being cheeky/ tricky with my HOD, I then broke the ice myself and narrated to him all what happened inside that bus  on 8th Aug, instead. . I remarked “That day it was pouring so heavily that formalities could have been relaxed and this is why he in the complaint has mentioned the date as 11th instead of 8th. In fact, I should have complained about his rude behaviour and not he !” 

To cut short the conversation, on the contrary the HOD suggested me that I should write an ‘Apology Letter’! as the complaint had come against me. He also advised me to be careful next time with those people as they had a strong Union. But I firmly said “I will write a Letter detailing what has happened that day inside the office bus”.  He exhorted “You are not understanding the situation, OK you write and then let me see”. I wrote it up and then he asked me to delete only one line: “I refused to get down”.

Dr. X was known  as one  big bull of the Centre who often went to South Bombay in that bus to TIFR. After a few weeks, one day I heard that he was looking for me and in the afternoon, he even caught me over tea table. He lectured to me that I should not take PANGA with drivers and conductors as they had a strong Union and that I should take back my complaint! I told him “Sir, it is he who has filed the complaint against me, I haven’t complained, I have only explained as to what has actually happened that day inside the bus”. Soon the driver and the conductor also came to join us and both of them apologized to me! I suggested him to take back his complaint and I would withdraw my explanation. It seems the problem was solved!!

In my centre more and more people are becoming talented and they need to be accommodated as HODs, various Divisions are partitioned and fractioned to create new Divisions with only a minimal/ modest set up. In a Division, there is one HOD. With one PA, one clerk, one sweeper and one driver (if a vehicle is there); the Division-office looks sparse among so many scientists working around.

Some two years back, the PA of my (reduced) Division called me up to complaint about the clerk who took maximum number of leaves and if he came to office he hardly sat in there and she would do all his work too. I said “Come on, you are the PA to the HOD, what can I do?” She said “he doesn’t help”, then I told her to contact the two HODs in waiting (call them H₁ and H₂, they were from later batches than mine). She told me that those two also were not effective.

I then discussed with H₁, to know what the matter was. He laughed and told me that the HOD and he went to complaint against the clerk to Chief Admin, the Admin asked them what grades they had given him in the previous 2 years. They said “A1″. Then the Admin turned around and said “Sir, you think I am a magician who can fudge his grades to take the required action!”

Then I talked to H₂, he listened to me and suggested me not to do anything in the matter as it might boom rang! and lastly the clerk, PA, helper, sweeper and driver would laugh at me, altogether. Next he added “Long back inside the 11 AM office bus to TIFR, the conductor/ driver misbehaved with me. I thought of complaining against him but you know what!! on the contrary he filed a complaint against me and then I was asked to write an ‘Apology Letter’, instead”!!!

 

[Thanks for your read, you may forward it to others]

 

[Dr. Zafar Ahmed, zai-alpha@hotmail.com, 22-04-2021]

Reading Time: 10 min.

In late 90s a tall, well-built young man came to our Lab on the first floor as a post-doc to carry out nuclear theory for one year. He was well trained and also had a good knowledge of computer, internet and email etc. Let us call him B, He was asked to share the room with me for some time. B was very punctual and methodical so I gave him the key of the room, as he came early to use the single computer terminal in the adjacent hall on our floor. My timings for tea, lunch and going home were never fixed. On the contrary, a couple of his friends from  other Labs would come for tea, lunch and to call off the day with him, very punctually.  He was good to talk to as he was well informed.  After sometime he was asked to move to the hall but he would come to talk to me or I would say hi and hello to him whenever I went to the hall to use the terminal for work or see my emails in the common pool.

After sometime he requested me to take him for tea, lunch and home/hostel along. I wondered why he couldn’t go alone. I politely declined. Gradually, I realized that he was blind !!! but he wouldn’t tell this. I soon disciplined myself to escort him to the hostel while my family was putting up in the opposite building called Nilgiri. While going to office, it was easy for him to catch the office bus himself from near the hostel. He told me that he could only see in a very small window! This was how he could read and work on a computer. He didn’t want to be known for this disability because system might not be kind and considerate to him and his options/ choices could be reduced. During rainy days, he could have carried a long umbrella that could have helped him but no he carried a small one!

While accompanying him I learned that his younger sister (S) was a post graduate with a modest certificate in computer science. She lived with him in the hostel and struggled to become a software engineer.  She could soon get a job, then B suggested S to invite her friend (F: another girl) from home town to settle together in Mumbai. This actually happened, S and F settled down in Bhayender closer to their company. Later B told me that the hostel staff used to tease and harass him for his sister’s stay with him.

B used to plan and execute things for them very meticulously, he even taught them and sorted their problems in their office work. The three used to meet weekly.  He often told me the nitty-gritty and other interesting things happening in the software industry.

Perhaps, pager phones had just started then and they had it because these three were well connected on a daily basis. One night on a rainy day, he called me frantically to tell that S and F were not contactable, he feared that something could have gone wrong with them. He was very protective and paranoid about them. It was around 8 at night, I pacified him some way telling him to be peaceful and to be alert on phone. Again he called up, I told him that socially he was not answerable to anyone, in case, God forbade, something untoward had happened to them. I asked him to pray for their safety.  He called me up yet again, this time, this almost blind fellow expressed his desire to go himself to Bhayender to look for them and he wanted me to accompany him in this move! I then asked my younger brother to help him out and go with him as my brother was well aware of Mumbai. Thankfully, then came the next phone call to tell that S and F had reached their room safely!

On weekends and holidays, B-S-F used to get together in Chembur to eat out and hang out together. B felt very happy about it. I took it as a care of a sister for her almost blind elder brother and I too felt happy about him.

After meeting and moving with him, I am convinced that it is not impossible for a blind man to commit things which are often shown in  films and news. It seems before coming to BARC, he collected information about some people in my Lab, including me and he located his friends’ friend to help him out initially before he could befriend someone like me and others in the new place. In our Lab, others also took a good care of him by taking him for tea and lunch.

Time passed by, there appeared some tiff between B and S and the two stopped coming this side. B then complained to me that S was not co-operating with him, he claimed “that girl (F) loves me.” I asked him if F herself told him so. He said “no but it appears that she wants to say so at several times, but hesitates.” I then told him that some boys often make such false claims. It could at most be a one-sided affair. A boy instead of saying “he loves her” may say it other way round. But according to S there was no such thing from F’s side. I could soon connect his claim to the worries and the heroism of B, when at night the two girls were un-contactable.

He alleged that S was becoming selfish as she feared to be left alone, if he and F got married! He was becoming unreasonable and whimsical. I suggested him to give it some more time, maybe the girl herself could open up later.  I also suggested him to postpone all that till he would leave Mumbai. Better if he wrote/asked her the same question from miles away.

But no, he was going overboard and becoming totally impatient.Then, I offered to help him. I asked him to call up F directly to say “please come this weekend, I have to tell and ask you something very important and I will also tell you the Benjamin’s Code.”

These three were peaceful and happy until this issue came up.  I was afraid that B was attempting to get all the golden eggs once instead of getting one, often. TGLM is a syndrome that creates problems in the society. The guy may spoil himself and disturb his life and family. He may also try to harm the girl inflicting harassment and crime on her.

On the following weekend, I got a call at home from B requesting me to come down to his room in the hostel as she had come! I was excited and very happy for him. I went down, knocked the door and entered the room. I saw a girl sitting with her back towards the door. I thought that the ice had already broken until she turned around and B introduced her to me as his sister!

Agitated and furious S claimed that F did not have any such feelings for him. She further added “men are like this only.” I warned and stopped her from abusing all the men like this for the act of one there!”

She asked me as to what the Benjamin’s code was? I replied “it is nothing, it was used just to check if F really confides in you. Now it turns out that you two ( S & F) are good friends indeed.” I further added “ the only thing is that, our B has mistaken F’s friendliness and this is not unheard off among boys, on the other hand, girls are usually scared, cautious and maybe ambitious.”  Then  S  composed herself, complimented and thanked me for sorting out the mess well, before walking away.

 It was an eye opener for the almost blind person, B. But for the “Benjamin’s Code”, B would have called the visit of S as purely incidental and the problem could have lingered on. Thankfully, “Benjamin’s code cleared it off. But I did not fail to boost the morale of B saying that he was definitely a handsome man, an interesting person and above all a good scientist.

Thankfully, B is working as a scientist abroad.  while writing this piece, the story teller in me was curious to know what happened to B whether he got married (by any chance to F!). A month back, I sent him an implicit email, he has made no answer so far!

[Dr. Zafar Ahmed, zai-alpha@hotmail.com, 26-02-2021]

Reading Time: 15 Min

It was 1984, we finished our one-year training, vacated the hostel and fixed a sharing accommodation in New Bombay (NB). We applied for the pass of our Centre’s bus, and it was going to take a month or so. So we used to catch a public bus from A’nagar. A conductor’s fixation of accepting only change used to cause inconvenience to us. One day I decided to teach the conductor a good lesson.

I got in the bus and sat in the front row. I flashed a Rs.10/- note for a ticket of Rs. 2 or less. He shouted “render the change.” I too shouted and confronted him saying “you have enough change in your bag, if not, give ticket to others and come to me later.” He again shouted “get down, fast” I shouted “ I will not get down.” What a great logic, he then threw at me saying “the change in the bag is for those who will come next!” I then said “ you have not even seen those who will come next and I am in front of you.” He was giggling in embarrassment and gave me the ticket with the required change–all from his bag. Some conductors act like Hitlers and Tughlaks.

For some six months in 1984-85, I was deputed to VECC Calcutta. Bus conductors looked most pathetic there. Someone would enter a bus (say from Ulta Danga) refusing to buy a ticket, it would spark a discussion and I would hear some passengers shouting Congress, CPI/ CPM ! . I wondered how it related to politics. The conductor/ driver could pick up a quarrel with someone on the road, they would even stop the bus to argue him out. Sometime the passengers seemed to seek my views or try to explain to me what was going on, as I used to be silent and puzzled. I also wondered as to how people as tall as Amitabh Bacchan could travel in those buses.

Back in Bombay, once I got in to a crowded bus and completed my journey up to the last point. I alighted the bus, a ticket checker asked me to show the ticket. I searched every possible place on me but I didn’t get it. Then I asked him to charge me the penalty. The old man insisted “No, dear please check yourself once again properly.” I did it, this time I could fish out something like a ticket from a pocket of mine. He checked it well and showed me that yes! it was really the ticket! He was delighted and said “ Young man, today my experience would have crashed, otherwise.” Friends, several times I bought a bus / train ticket and dropped it even before starting or ending the journey, I thought it was one such act of mine that day too.

Those days, Mankhurd was a terminus of Harbour line. A bus going to NB was supposed to come inside an (un) pleasant deep rectangle of Mankhurd and then go to NB. Once my friend Ravi was traveling in a bus to NB after watching night show in Dadar. It was around 00:30 AM, some passengers checked vocally that no one wanted to get down at Mankhurd, so they told the conductor in advance to take the bus straight to NB.

Strangely, one passenger objected to this idea and insisted that the bus touched the Makhurd stop. So the driver took the bus there. No one entered bus nor anyone got down, not even that odd-man alighted. The bus was now heading towards the bridge to go to NB. Others were angry and upset with this odd-man and they even forced him to get down! Every one was surprised over the behaviour of the odd-man and commenting some thing or the other. After a while, suddenly every one was regretting, the buzzing stopped as they realized the odd-man’s point: A bus must touch all the scheduled stops, come what may!

My friend Joshi used to come from Pune on late nights of the weekends and his bus used to pass on the highway near our shared shelter in NB. It was most convenient for him to get down there, else he would waste an hour or so, to come back there. He was never sure whether he would be obliged by the conductor even if he spoke in Marathi to him.

Once my friend V. Kabra a material scientist came from BHU to attend a conference in BARC. He stayed in the guest house and I was putting up in NB. Kabra desired to see a Bond film (Never say never again) which was running in Metro cinema. I didn’t like seeing English films as I hardly understood both their language and the ethos. But I had to go with Kabra for the night show. Eventually, after seeing it, I resolved not to see Bond again. It was past 12, we took a bus for NB, the Anushaktinagar stop came and Kabra got down to go to the guest house as he was scheduled to start from there in the morning for railway station.

I continued in the bus, people checked up that no one wanted to get down at Mankhurd, so they instructed the conductor to avoid that turn. But when the time came, the driver took the unpleasant turn and got inside the rectangle where there was not even one to board the bus or to get down. Angry passengers started commenting on the conductor for not compromising with them. Experienced me, tried to tell them but I was trivialized: Mob doesn’t listen. But only after some time, there was a pin-drop silence, it seemed one and then every one realized what the silence of the conductor spoke : Come what may, a public bus has to touch every scheduled stop. Gradually, on the next stops, the passengers, kept getting off silently with their heads down (maybe, in the respect of the conductor). The undeterred conductor as usual was heralding : “Pudhe Chala (Go ahead)”, and why not, he was the authority in the bus and he knew his job well.

I usually carry a long umbrella when it rains and what a fun it is! But my well wishers warn me that I would be taken as much older than what I am. Look, it covers me very well and if required it can cover someone else too. It is also like a good companion specially while walking. With such an umbrella in hand, one won’t fear dogs and snakes etc. Yes, my well wishers were right, as many times I have been offered a seat even in a crowded bus or a local train.,

One night, I went to see off my wife and daughter at BCT, it was a rainy season, I had my umbrella with me. To go back home, I decided to board a public bus which I did comfortably. The bus was going very well. It was breezy, I was all thanks to the bus service. In a while, one well built young man entered the bus on the way. Huffing and puffing, he dashed a 20 rupee note to the conductor. His ticket was costing Rs. 5 or less and the conductor shouted for the change, The man did not have it. The conductor, without stopping the bus asked him to get down! I supported the man and rattled the conductor loudly, as to why he could not dispense the change from his bag which was full of it. I further dared him to stop the bus if he wanted that man to really get off! Every one was stunned, the conductor felt offended, lost his temper and asked me as to who I was interfering like that!

I kept shut, but he decided to give him the ticket. Annoyed and irritated, he was shouting in the bus saying "What will I dispense to the next passengers? This old man (me, less than 40 then) with umbrella appears to be a teacher who no one listens to and he is avenging it with me. I have seen a lot of such frustrated fellows as him.” I said “yes, yes, you appear to be very experienced.” he replied “yes, of course!” Other passengers were laughing very well.

My wife used to work in south Bombay she travelled by the local train with a monthly pass. One day, while come back there was a massive power failure for trains. So she boarded a bus (90 Ltd.) and gave the conductor a 100 rupee note for a ticket. But soon, the news was spread that the power was restored. She got off the bus to reach VT station to catch the train. From a booth there, she had to call me to tell me that she forgot to take back the 100 rupee note from the conductor and that she would visit some other place on the way to reach home late. With the bus no. in hand, I timed myself well to reach our bus depot to catch the conductor of the incoming 90 Ltd. A good soul, the conductor soon flashed a 100 rupee note at me. This was the quickest transaction ever for me. But for his honesty, it couldn’t have stood as a case in any court.

Hearing this episode, some persons told me that I would have got 100 Rs. back even otherwise. Because on the depots like ours when conductor hands over the bag of cash & tickets to an official who calculates and notes down extra money which a complainant can claim. However, it takes time. I said “what if the conductor pockets it up.” Then a wiser one added “while joining the duty on the day, conductors declare their belonging cash etc. They are supposed to be even searched while surrendering the cash bag for any extra money or a thing!”

Yes, I recall that once inside a bus I paid a 100/- note, got the ticket and waited for the change but later conductor was confused. He asked me to book a complaint ! on the forthcoming depot of Navy Nagar. I found it strange! However, I did it and went to TIFR-Lib. After that I walked back to the depot in the evening and got my money back but I had to produce the ticket.

My wife was working with World-book/ Child-Craft, she used to travel more often. Once she left her shawl in a bus, came home and called up a depot, the next day she went there showed the crucial ticket and got it back. Other time, she lost her purse in a bus to Bandra, came home after a friend lent her money. She called up a depot but to no avail. Some people suggested that in Bandra there was a place where pick-pockets etc. used to throw purses after cleaning the money. But, next day she got a call from a college girl of Dharavi who had found her purse. My wife visited this decent family, got her purse, had a tasty lunch besides a box packed for me in a tiffin. They desired to see our daughter, some other day my wife and daughter visited them filling fudge in that tiffin box for them, they all had one more nice experience.

One day, I got into a bus, my wife trailed behind. While she was boarding it, some rustic old females also wanted to enter the bus. My wife managed to get but not without holding hand of one of them up and shouting “Thief! Thief!!”. The other old females pleaded “please, let her go madam….” The conductor then told us that it was a gang of thieves who could not succeed and they didn’t want to board the bus, actually.” My wife was not so lucky later once as she was tired during a bus journey may have dozed off, someone cleaned out her gold chain from well inside her bag!

Once, despite other seats being free, one man sat with my wife and nudged/ touched her frequently. After a while, my wife shouted at him and asked him to change the seat, but the conductor punished the man soon by forcing him off.

My wife, my daughter and I were inside a public bus which was crawling away, past our colony. A security person of my Centre who used to be generally rude, could manage to ride that bus. Inside, an ordinary looking conductor cold shouldered this hero by asking him to tender change which he didn’t have and he was helpless. This time, I chose not to confront the conductor as I had two of my mentors sitting with me. For a change, this time I empowered the hero with the required change. He could buy the ticket and continued his journey. Ever after, he was always cordial to me at the security gate.

You know, the security people even, if they know you well and see you daily, they do not leave you without checking your I-card! and so are some conductors who keep the change for the next passengers and not for you. However, hats off to some of them who really impress you by serving well as they are public servants. Sometime, we may not understand them quickly. The ticket checkers are no less interesting, at times inside a bus before a conductor gives you a ticket the checker behind him takes it to check it up and punch, before you get it.

Once, I took my mother and some relatives to Haji Ali. Back from ther, some of us boarded the bus from front and some from back. After the bus left, on the next circle, I realized that my mother was left out! I good down soon with scary ideas in mind traced back to the point with all eyes and ears. Thank God, I spotted her, she was empty handed yet negotiating with a taxi-driver, I hugged her most tightly, instead of firing me she was trying to explain as to how she got left out! That moment I just didn’t want to   hear anything. She was old enough not to be believed by the taxi-drive to take her to A’Nagar. In the end the driver said ” sorry sir, I was in a dilemma, please excuse me.” I brought her back by the same taxi. By the grace of God, our mother is with us in the buzzing house hold of our home in the home town.

Gradually, our promotions and the pay commissions enabled us to take autos, taxicabs personal car, Ola/ Uber even for our daily needs and our travel by a public bus came to an end. Last year during lock down in June our bachelor tenants wanted to leave mid way, we had to go to Palava to take stock of the situation and the keys. Our car being sick, we hired Uber and went there. For coming back, there was no Ola/ Uber and not even a taxi for us on the road. We were getting nervous, my wife asked me repeatedly as to what we would get! I replied “Hawai Jahaz.” Then we saw an ST bus going to Mantralaya! We soon boarded it, thankfully the passengers were wearing masks and sitting sparsely. The bus brought us damn fast, it was as though we traveled by a Hawai Jahaz! just by paying 40/- each but not without a roller coaster ride, inside it.

THANKS FOR YOUR READ, YOU MAY PLEASE FORWARD IT UP!

[Dr. Zafar Ahmed, zai-alpha@hotmail.com, 06-12-2021]

Reading Time: 10 Min

Once an Indian  friend (say X)  of mine from abroad asked me if I had read Paul J Nahin (PJN),  the best selling author of Science and Math.  I got excited and replied that PJN, in his book “Inside Interesting Integrals”  had discussed one of my my integrals. This friend of mine is supposed to be well read, so he had this book too. The next day, without any excitement or any friendly appreciation, X told me that PJN has also discussed other integrals in his book.

In fact, in addition to the other things in his book, PJN has discussed 7 not so easy integrals, mine is at number 7 among the old legendary Integrals !  Even this  surprising information I got from a student of mine in the US. I thank God that I have been sheer lucky!  Later, I bought this book where the author has spent some 5 pages over it, calling me : An Indian mathematical physicist.

Now, the question is how Mr. X, who is supposed to be well read has missed those pages. I often doubt the well read ones, they perhaps  over-look some things to finish reading a book. I have also read that the best sellers are hardly read, their books are only bought. I hope I ‘m wrong here.

My second question is why Mr. X was  not excited, at least after knowing and exploring it on my suggestion. What did he expect!? of PJN’s book. Should the whole book have been devoted to “Ahmed’s Integral” ! Then the title of the book would not be what it really is.

Is it a case of an over expectation by an (escapist) NRI,  from a native (indigenous) academician like me?

Another friend of mine (say Y) was a well established material scientist  in the US.  He after hearing about “Ahmed’s Integral”, wrote to me  that Ahmed of AI was actually an “Arab”! but he hurriedly pushed the information  that he (Y) invented a new very light and very strong metal which went by his name!

Though I congratulated him heartily and I was awed as though this friend of mine could  even see the atomic layers! yet I was annoyed that  he should have told us about it earlier and not like that.

Then, I rattled Y, saying “if one searched in Google for AI, on the first page itself, there were  some 6 listings , of which 5 were about Indian Ahmed and one about that “Arab””  Surprisingly, Y took a great interest in  the “Arab” leaving his own classmate of M. Sc. days! Later, he looked into it again and apologized.

When all this was going on in the email group of our M. Sc. friends, our scientist friend working in a reputed lab abroad  (mis)understood the conversation and said “ you guys have opened a mutual appreciation club or what?” She simply overlooked the achievement of both of us. Others were just silent as though nothing had happened!

About two years back, one day Y had an ordinary fall at home, he became unconscious and was rushed to a hospital in New York. He wast in a coma for about a month, not getting up again. Doctors could not diagnose! and most unfortunately he passed away, untimely!! May his soul rest in peace. I will not be surprised if his alloy (PANDALLOY) has already entered our household in some form or the other.

However, there were friends and people who congratulated me saying various nice things. My friend G. Ravikumar talked about it high and low, in BARC.  That time 27^th batch used to have an email group and  I was overwhelmed by their compliments. Several times I heard that AI made small ripples in some high level committees in BARC/DAE.

For me it was enough that they heard about it and from the then Head of Lib. Division, I was asked to write about it in the News Letter (NL) of BARC. I offered to write a one-page article, the Head insisted that write a longer one otherwise it would be published as a communication from Physics Group where there would be no author, but  I did  not agree. Despite, that I pushed my one-page article to him. Ironically, the Head did not  realise that half of my name was already there in the title itself. But things changed when Ravi became Head of Lib. Division and I appeared with my full name as the Author of that one-page article in our NL.

Well wishers remember this term AI (some say ZI) and a part of me lives in the reflected glory of this integral which looks simple but it requires some very special methods, It seems right from its inception in the year 2002, it has been discussed well at different forums. I came to know about its impact only in the year 2014. The Wolfram Mathematica is known to be cautious about IPR, however, they adopted AI even without my permission! I welcome this lovely offence of theirs

That we Indians have done nothing or we have done everything (and left others behind)  are two extreme views, but  the fact  lies  within these two limits (if not outside). Such extremism should only be left to politicians. See some interesting claims: Our maiden journey to MARS was successful, unlike other’s. This journey was cheaper (Rs./ Km.) than even travelling by an auto! Some even claimed that it was based on Vedic calculations.

In our WhatsApp group, some friends get carried away and become extremists, for some time. Thankfully, there are friends like Bhaskar Pandit who understand the undeniable importance of the west vis-a-vis our modest position in science and technology. Time and again they restrain us duly and ground us well. Friends, we cannot boast off much but at the same time we should not be provoked.

HUM HONGE KAMYAB EK DIN, MAN MEIN HAI VISWAS PURA HAI VISHWAS…….

HAR EK BAAT PE KEHTE HO TUM KE TU KYA HAI? YAHI KAHO KE YE ANDAZE GUFTUGU KYA HAI?……

RO LEIN GEIN HUM HAZAR BAR, KOI HAMEIN ROOLAY KYOUN?……….

[Thanks for your read. You may pass it on to others.]

[Dr. Zafar Ahmed, zai-alpha@hotmail.com, 29-12-2020]

Reading Time: 6 min

Some names or the letters in them  create a  humor. In Hindi there is   a phrase :`Ma ke lal’ but once a temporary uncle of mine was B. B. K. Lal Shrivastava. One Prof. Kamaal in AMU went to buy eggs in a near by shop. He was told “Andda nahi hai”, he uttered “Kamaal hai, andda nahi  hai.” Naughty students around there went on repeating this line: Han Sir, Kamaal hai, andda nahi hai. Kaptan, Subedar, Barrister, Kotwal, Tehsildar and even Karyakarm were some names in BHU, they all were Singh(s). Let us not ignore the Mumbaiwalas: Daruwala, Dabbawala, Screwwala, Boxwala, Zariwala, Arceewala,…. 

Recently, I heard someone has his name as NIYAM: the rules of the name are changing these days. A new nickname: someone crashed the wall of a glass chamber to be called “Glass Walker”. This may remind us of Johny Walker and the Moon Walker.

Arvind Dixit corrected me that (Late) PKG was Gupta, and the (Late ) Raghu’ was R.U. Raghvendra. So when Mohan Krishna called out his full name, he said “yes, of course”.

The third Lakhsmi of the bacth is M. Lakshmi, It seems there were two more but their names were Anglicized. On the superannuation of P. R. Patil and  James Jacob, we got together in TSH on 14th floor on Feb,-22, 2020 where Bruce has come down from Hyderabad to be with us. But James has been added to 27-WA only now, welcome Jacob to the group.

Thankfully, Ravi Prakash is added now R S Datta remains to be added. Welcome Chandramouli and T. Srinivasan to the group. Now there is a trio of Chandra(s) and a duo of Srinivas(s) in our WA. The singer G. Srinivas Rao is yet to be added. Oh!  how did  I forget the duo of Arun(s)! they are two more SUNs of the batch. One of these Shrivastav can be seen in the hall (on wall) of fame in Vienna Austria. Welcome Commander Ramesh, you are happy painting for a social cause.

Friends, it is very good to have the stock of the batch before the new year comes in.

Suresh Babu claims that in Kerala nothing is added to the name of a woman after her marriage, no wonder they are the most literate state of the country!

In south of India they may have stopped having surnames like Iyers, Ayengars and Krishnans but  their names still carry several initials! As the surname appears to be a must internationally, the officials use their per-conceived notions to cook up names and dictate the person what his/her name should be!

With us, he used to be Ravi E. S  (Elangar Srinivasanverdan), he migrated to Austraila in 1994. Officials there, cut and pasted his name to tell him that he was Ravi Verdan !  In 2009, the officials for his Green card in USA  told him that he should be Ravi Elangar Verdan!! Next, for his OCI card, he had to submit affidavit that all these were his names!!! Every time he travels, he is suspected and searched diligently. Our best wishes to Ravi.

Our batch mate from Andhra likes to be known as G(urazada) Ravikumar, in Germany he was made R. Gurazada. On his request, they unwillingly corrected their fabrication. The official grumbled that Indians don’t know their names well!  This German could be far from knowing the diversity and plurality which India is made of. Our batch mate Bahskar Pandit is from UP, there he may be called B. Pandit for short. But when he travels southwards they write him as P. Bhaskar! 

A lot of headmasters and principals of schools are known to have influenced the names and the dates of birth of a lot of people. Their ages were reduced/ increased and they even got some improper names, at the time of admissions.

Long back, in Mumbai, once a boy named Vijay went to a school for his admission, the British principal asked him about his surname,  the boy did not know this word itself. The Principal then asked him what business was being done at his home. The boy could only say “we sell cloth,”  the principal got it : Oh!  so you all are Merchants! This is how the famous Cricketer got his name:  Vijay Merchant, it seems they were actually Thackersey(s). 

I always saw to it that both parts of  my name are expanded and I succeeded. Once in ATOMICA Hungary, they wrote my name on their notice board as “Zafar AHMED!” for my talk over there. I preferred ZA but I have been made AZ in service book and I-card, I didn’t mind. Thanks Biswas for underlining this to me, now. I am going to retire, I am worried whether I will get my pension! Because people say that for pension the name in Bank, Aadhar card, Pan card and Service book should be exactly the same! Thanks Srini for your warning. For my pension I will do whatever is required but I don’t know as to who will get it: ZA or AZ. 

I may see the recent photographs of batch mates but recalling/ imagining them from their TS looks is the real fun. That is why wise men have said: Be with friends or remember them often, you will be young (Doston ke sath raha karo ya unhe yaad kiya karo, ye kambakth umar ki chadar kheench lete hain!)

[Dr. Zafar Ahmed, zai-alpha@hotmail.com, 18-12-2020]

(Reading time 10 mins)

(Maybe names written here are not known to you, I guess you can still come over)

Do you notice a gender bias at work? Women are known by their first names and there seems to be no rule for men. The reason behind this is usually not very good: After the marriage their surname will change! Thankfully, we now see names like Kareena Kapoor Khan and Farah Khan Kunder. This mostly happens when a lady marries a peer/ boyfriend. Next, even this trend should go: Why should anyone has to change his/her name after marriage? I think it is the kids who may carry double surnames. Or they should carry their mother’s first name (naturally) and father’s surname (to be politically correct!)

In Nilgiri, we had one impressive tall and dark lady journalist named Sucharita Mukerjiee Khan (RIP). I learned the new trend of double surnames first  from her name.

S. Kalavathi of Training School (TS) continues to be so. This could be a case of accidental degeneracy, as she married Sridhar. This couple has been running REWARD trust to arrange Education for the deprived ones. Hats off to them, we should feel self- persuaded to contribute financially to this trust which keeps shinining time and again.

In our Whats App group (27-WA), Dhanya Mangla has switched over to Dhanya Suresh. We the batch mates take the news of a get-together more seriously if it also comes from this couple. Usually, a husband retires first but Dhanya has volunteered her retirement to follow her passion for social work. In TS, there used to be a lady named Y.K. Lakshmi, now she is Lakshmi Hyderabad, a studious member of our WA. I take her comments and suggestions seriously.

In 27-WA, there was one B, who became BR, then Bruce and finally Brahaspati Rao. When we grow old we may not like to hear our petnames. Dear Bruce, please speak up in this regard, we must know. Dr. S. Rangarajan writes Dr. SR for short, confidently.

During the lockdown, for quite sometime one Roger Fan joined our WA, it turned out that he was our Chandrasekar working for BSNL Shillong, paying a tribute for some time to his favourite Roger Federer, the Tennis player. Hiding behind an assumed name is a vogue in various sites and it could really be fun for a short while in a group of one kind, like ours.

Our parents try to give us a nice maiden name, some people keep hiding this name, they may  even forget it. But when they go abroad they hear this name and they start liking it. Coming back home, they like to re-introduce themselves with their first name. It becomes too late and they only get little success.

We should be thankful to AMD, DBN and PDN for expanding their first name in WA. Thankfully, Jaynamesh has switched over to Jayanthi. Suddenly, one Nandkumar emerged who informed us that his son wrote a book “Meri Shayeri Mera Samaj” then for congratulating them I had to search that he was Maliakar from Chemistry.

Recently, we were grieving in our WA when the soul-mate of Singha Roy passed away, untimely. Responding to our condolence messages he wrote an emotional post, it was then his nice name was revealed. So there are now two Sandip(s) in our batch, the other one is Nayak from Chemistry.

Thankfully, we are already putting up well with the duos of Arvind(s), Balasubramaniam (s), Chandra(s), Lakshmi(s), Naik(s), Nayak(s), Rao(s), Suresh(s), Shashikant(s) and the trio of Sharma(s):  Praveen, Anil and  Avaneesh. Sometimes a confusion does arise.

Once X1 of the duo-X posted something in the group, not liking it , Y called up X1 for a warning, X1 pleaded innocence and the blame was shifted to X2. Thankfully, the matter ended as X2 and Y were not great friends.

There is one Vijay besides Vijayalakshmi in our group, I guess that he is our Vijay Tukaramji NIMJE from Physics. A. S. Joshi (Phys, ex-RRCAT Indore) is actually Annand-verdhan Shivaram Joshi. R.S. Chuabey (Phys, RRCAT) is Radhey Shyam Chaubey. V in our Gold-man’s name is Vimalchand. The P is Prabhakar who is the author of the book “Risk-based Engg.”

We have five Ravi(s) (meaning wise we may add Bahnu and Bhaskar also) and we deal with them well without any confusion. However, it was nice and apt when Ravi Aladi told himself to be another Ravikumar on the birthday of G. Ravikumar.

Kamaruddin has been added but where is Jalaludduin? The singer G. Srinivasrao is being searched but what about T. Srinivas? Some of the duo(s) mentioned above can become trio(s) , if we can find Chandramouli, Suresh N. (Chem.) and one more Lakshmi (speccy & short built) – any news?

Manisha left early to join ND-TV, it seems she is in Pune. She once joined our get together in TSH, Paramita may add her here. Trupti (Joshi) resides in Hiranandani Thane. Once she joined us in the wedding of Anita’s daughter, Preeti Pal may add her. One may find / add Adhikari, Sahoo, Pande, Kush, Kher, Kaushik, Kadam and Monojit!

Let us now recall those of us who are no more now: Raghuvendra Udupi, Abbhjit Chatterjee, Pradeep K. Garg, Captian Ponnar, Krishna Kumar, Subhasis Majumdar and Hema Sankaran. May their souls rest in peace and their families succeed well.

I would be sorry for any spelling or some other mistake in any name here, because these names are not coming from any list. I may be corrected. You know our list is pretty long, according to Tripathi, we were 183+.

Nicknames are apt but they need to be less offensive. The name of one girl was Chapal, it was distorted to Chappal! You can imagine the fun the guys had inside the classroom and around. One Komal Gandhi was called KG and then “Kilo” ! Genrerally,  one should look up while walking (unlike me), one girl  who looked up a little more was called “Akashwani” ! One boy who used to lean a bit was called Tan(theta) !  I heard  that I was called “Dr. Interesting” in HRDD because while teaching I used to find/call everything interesting! Some students also called me “what happens.” The new born(s) of a couple used to die prematurely, lastly they nicknamed their kid JIO ! Maybe Ambani(s) took it from them. One girl in TSH, who hailed from Deonar, often took the BEST bus from the hostel stop, she was called “371”! One of our teachers was growing a beard when I acknowledged it, he smiled and said: Yes, now changed  I want to become a “bearded genius”! We started calling him so (that)

Nowadays, Pratham, Prameya, Siddhant and Pramana are names ! I suggest three more: Phalan (function), Avkalan (differentiation) and Samakalan (Integration) as prospective names. A senior and famous Physicist Carl Bender visited us. Over dinner we asked him about his family. He had two sons. He said “ It turns out that we may have taught Differentiation to the first one and Integration to the other.” He looked anguished and I was perplexed. He then explained to me that the first one separated off and the other one lived with them.

These days SBI seems to have almost changed its name to an omnipresent acronym YONO, do you know its full: you only need one. After struggling to know it I am even more puzzled as to what they mean? I only know that earlier, their fancy idea of “Single Window” hardly worked.

One L.M. Pant went to CERN to work with Dr. Archana Sharma (my classmate in M.Sc. Phys. in BHU). She called him Lalit, he thought  he being junior to her, she called him so, also he liked it. He then realised that  there, he was generally called by this name only.

When Pant came back, our I-cards were getting renewed in BARC. I went to CC to collect mine. Reaching there I found that Pant was arguing as to why they did not expand his name to Lalit Mohan Pant despite him filling it like that in the  format of the form. Pant cited my example to them. To my surprise, seeing/ hearing me there, the clerk was excited and addressed two lady colleagues: Madam ! madam !! He is Zafar Ahmed. They looked at me and smiled. It turned out that those two ladies wanted to write Z. Ahmed/ A. Zafar in my I-card but the clerk insisted that I was Zafar Ahmed from TS till the date in the records. However, they confidently declined to expand even the L of L. M. Pant. Pant was grumbling to make a valid point: If you want to go strictly by the records, then why the hell you ask us to fill forms time and again! Disappointed Pant and I came back together.

Friends, I wrote it all for fun and friendship, after all it is your name, write it whatever way you like. Thankfully, there ain’t any National Policy of Names (NPN) in the country so far! May I suggest one: Expand Your First Name (EYFN) or even First Name First (FNF).